So
Mum went into hospital and started the process of trying the get ‘blob mark 3’
out. She pushed and she pushed, but still he didn’t come out.
‘Push
harder’ said the eminent doc.
‘If
you think you can do any better, you have a go’ was Mum’s ‘considered reply!
It
might be worth mentioning at this point that the OSO had plenty of experience
in pushing out recalcitrant (look it up!) offspring; Me! Mum had a real job
getting me out. I got well and truly stuck when I was being born. At one point
(so I’m told, ‘cause in honesty, I don’t remember a lot) that the consultant
was trying to pull me out with the help of a couple of nurses, Dad and another
nurse were hanging onto the bed to stop it shooting across the floor as he
pulled and then in walked the gorgeous paediatrician (Mum’s words, not mine)
who could then only see a certain part of Mum’s anatomy (don’t ask!) and then
said to her
‘I
know you from somewhere don’t I?
Seemingly
the whole room erupted in laughter at that and eventually I was born, much to Mum’s
relief.
Anyway,
back to Alistair’s birth. Well I couldn’t let him steal all the thunder! He
arrived, all by the OSO’s efforts, she is very determined. All 10lbs 5oz of
him.
What
most of you won’t know is that Mum is not exactly the largest lady in the
world. She’s 5’ 2” on a good day and weighs around 8st 7lbs, so Alistair, pro
rata was pretty big.
So
the first problem was that he couldn’t breathe properly, he get making these
really weird sounds (he still makes them today, though it’s usually when he’s
had too much to drink). So the Docs decided to stick a tube down his throat to
hold open his airway and take him up to the Special Baby Care Unit. It turned
out he had a floppy soft palette which kept dropping down and blocking his
airway, his body was too big for the reflexes of a new born baby (I ask you!).
So there he is with all these tiny premature babies and Al, the incredible
hulk. They couldn’t find any clothes big enough for him it really was a joke.
Naturally
enough, Mum and Dad were rather worried at this stage, obviously they were
upset enough about me without having another son to worry about. The only son
not to cause them any bother at the moment was Roger, as you will find out
later, this happy state of affairs didn’t last for long! Roger always wanted to
make his presence felt and he hasn’t changed any to this day!!
Of
course Dad had to know someone (he always does, it’s because he’s so old and
has been around for such a long time it’s inevitable he bumps into someone he
knows) Anyway, up in the Special Baby Care Unit he bangs into one of his old
rugby playing friends, who it turns out, is visiting his very small and
premature grandson! Dad was visiting his ginormous son! (not sure how you spell
that) Well I told you he was old!!
So
Al was left up bulging out of his cot, Mum was back on the ward, not happy,
only to be told, because she had had such a big baby they were going to test to
see if she had got diabetes! I ask you it was one thing after another.
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